Aug 6, 2019
Many people struggle to set strong boundaries in their relationships with friends, family, and partners. Setting boundaries can sometimes make you feel guilty for wanting to protect something you value, such as your time, energy, or emotions. You may feel hesitant about setting boundaries with someone you love because you feel it may unintentionally hurt their feelings, but often, the inability to assert your boundaries can leave you feeling used and unappreciated.
Today, I discuss the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt. I explain how people-pleasing plays a significant role in our ability to set and keep our boundaries. I share stories of my past where I dealt with feelings of guilt for setting boundaries. I also share how to change perspectives about taking on guilt, including some examples of how to speak to it.
“We don’t need to feel responsible for somebody else’s emotions or how they receive our boundaries.” - Pripo Teplitsky
This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:
- How feeling guilty can be a positive emotion.
- How unhealthy guilt develops in us.
- How people-pleasers feel about setting boundaries.
- Why women have more tendency to feel guilty when they take care of their needs.
- An unconscious manipulation many families do to get what they want.
- How others usually respond to clearly stated boundaries.
- How to set boundaries when asking others for advice.
- How I dealt with my mother’s disapproval in homeschooling my child.
- How to train people with your boundaries.
- How I put up boundaries with my wife about her calling me at work regarding stressful, non-urgent domestic matters.
- Why you don’t need to explain and justify your “No’s.”
- The need to learn how to soothe yourself and the benefits of doing so.
- The significant transformation that happened when I traveled the world at 29 and got engaged to a single mother.
- What happens to you when you put others needs and feelings before your own.
- Reasons why boundaries may not work.
- What it takes to learn self-assertiveness and the factors that contribute to the lack of it.
- What to do when people are blaming, name-calling, or stonewalling.
Resources Mentioned:
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Let’s Talk About It!
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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk
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