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Exploring and discussing a variety of relationship topics and issues for people in all kinds of relationships; including partnerships, family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, roommates and more.

Jul 20, 2021

Corey Costanzo is the Co-Owner of Asheville’s Still Point Wellness Spa, a licensed addiction counselor, trauma specialist, master didgeridoo player, colleague, and good friend. One of the greatest joys in his life involves relating with others. So, it’s not surprising that he remembers one sentence I said over a year ago in one of our conversations: that the number one predictor of a relationship’s success is allowing influence. But sometimes, opening up to our partners’ thoughts and ideas can be challenging, especially if we’re still working on our tendencies to withdraw and our need to be right.

How do you accept your partner’s influence with gentleness - without feeling disempowered or defensive?

In this episode, Corey and I share some examples of opening up to influence in our relationships with our partners, in our work as therapists, and in our friendship with each other. We emphasize the importance of embracing your partner’s influence and thoughts with grace, humility, and a good heart. We share how men are normally socially conditioned to seek “winning” and reject the notion of opening up to influence from their partners. We also share statistical data that provides insight into the effects of sharing power in a relationship and underscore how embracing influence can make our relationships more magical.

“The best way to effectively share power in a relationship is when we can each have a voice and when we can each feel confident about the influence of our voice.” - Corey Costanzo

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

  • Influence and sharing power in relationships
  • The number one thing that makes relationships thrive
  • How our partner’s influence can be an indicator of a behavior we’re not conscious of
  • The detrimental impacts of rejecting influence
  • Statistical data on the relationship between being open to influence and the success of a marriage
  • Men’s need to “win” and how the need to be right lowers the other person’s self-confidence
  • The importance of listening to the reflection of a relationship
  • How men are socially conditioned to perceive allowing influence as relegating autonomy and power
  • How trust and self-awareness can allow us to open up to influence and accept boundaries
  • Withdrawing connection, attention, and love as unhealthy responses to influence
  • Cultivating balance and allowing influence in physical contact
  • Allowing influence in friendships and how nobody changes with criticism

Related Content:

Connect with Corey Costanzo:

Let’s Talk About It!

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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk