Relationships Let's Talk About It!: 120. Friendship Breakups

120. Friendship Breakups

Dec 1, 2020

We always talk about romantic breakups; it is the subject of songs, poems, and movies. But despite the importance of friendships in our lives, the breaking up of platonic relationships is rarely discussed - much less does it ever become the reason for someone to see a relationship therapist. Yet, the lack of closure in a separation between friends can lead one to harbor resentment, which can - according to licensed clinician Juan Santos - restrict us from letting ourselves live life to its fullest.

Juan Santos is the owner of Santos Counseling in Greensboro, North Carolina, who helps people reclaim their lives and build healthy relationships. He enjoys guiding people through journeys of self-discovery and uncovering ways of becoming their best versions and specializes in helping distant couples and struggling parents. In addition to his practice, Juan is also the author of the books Life Without Stress, Rebuilding Us: A 30 Day Guide for Healing Your Relationship After an Affair, and Couple’s Workbook: Making Your Relationship Work.

In this episode, Juan and I explore the challenges of ending friendships. We discuss the reasons friends call it quits and the factors which indicate that it may be time to end a platonic relationship. We differentiate romantic and platonic relationships in terms of how people handle their finality. We describe friendship as a gift and highlight the value of allowing a friend to have multiple sources of support. We also underscore the importance of forgiveness in letting go of a friend and the value of acknowledging the truth that our journey through life as individuals may go in directions different from others’.

“It’s a choice to be in someone’s life; spending even five minutes with us is a beautiful gift. It’s important that when we end a platonic relationship, we acknowledge how it has helped us.” - Juan Santos

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

Grief and resentment in friendship breakups
The importance of closure in platonic relationships
How evolving goals and values can end platonic relationships
The difference in how men and women relate with their friends
The difficulty men encounter in forming friendships with their peers
Modeling friendship cultivation and healthy breakups for children
Spring-cleaning friendships and the tell-tale signs of a declining friendship
The importance of doing a State of the Union Address between friends
Jealousy and competitions in friendships and the factors to consider to know if it’s time to let go of a friendship
What to do when people don’t meet expectations in friendships
The value of having different friends to meet different interests, areas, and needs in life
Supporting a friend in the decisions they make and trusting them when they choose other sources of support
Forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and remembering the gifts of a person who left a friendship
Accepting the lifetime and finality of friendships
Why it’s difficult for us to have closure in platonic relationships and the need to formalize friendship breakups
Embracing change and giving ourselves permission to grow

Connect with Juan Santos:

Let’s Talk About It!

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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk