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Exploring and discussing a variety of relationship topics and issues for people in all kinds of relationships; including partnerships, family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, roommates and more.

Jan 1, 2019

Steve Torma is the co-founder of The REAL Center, an organization based in Asheville, North Carolina that is committed to encouraging compassion, communication, and intimacy. He is also the former president of Earthaven Ecovillage in Black Mountain, North Carolina as well as a former core faculty member of The Asheville Tantra School. For over 30 years, he has been passionate about helping others master the art of communication and compassion. His deep desire to help others seek healing and find direction in their lives led him to pursue training in several fields such as Non-Violent Communication, Radical Honesty, Restorative Circles, and Permaculture.


Steve joins me again to elaborate what non-violent communication is, what it looks like, and the different ways to show it. We discuss the concepts of Evolutionary Psychology, Mismatch Instincts, and Negativity Bias and why the latter is the greatest cause of human suffering. We also share helpful tips and tools to overcome Negativity Bias as well as how to change this habit so you can improve the quality of your life and your relationships.


“The more we focus on gratitude, the more we’ll have neuro-pathways for gratitude and the more inner peace we’ll have. The more inner peace we have, the better the relationships we will have. It just becomes an upward spiral.” - Steve Torma



This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:


  • What is Non-Violent Communication (NVC).
  • The “honesty” part of the NVC Model.
  • The distinction between a need and a request.
  • Examples of the four parts of the communication model in a real-life situation.
  • The two types of requests in the NVC World.
  • The kind of request that helps most people work through a conflict.
  • Why making a connection request is crucial before making an action request?
  • The significance of being curious and interested versus listening to judgmental self-talk - even during conflicts.
  • Why curiosity is important in conversations.
  • What empathy deficit is and why many people are operating on it.
  • The concept “Interrupting a conversation to bring it back to life.”
  • The root behind the impulse of talkaholics.
  • How to make it easier for people to hear feedback.
  • Defining Evolutionary Psychology and its relation to a person’s responses.
  • What are Mismatched instincts?
  • Identifying one of the most obvious types of mismatched instincts.
  • The main mismatch instinct that hampers human beings.
  • The ratio between positive interactions and negative interactions for a relationship to be sustainable.
  • Explaining the concept of Unchosen Nature and how this explains a person’s impulse to look for what’s wrong.
  • Why you should make a list of the ten most memorable positive moments in your life.
  • The chain reaction that happens in your body when you choose to feel gratitude.
  • The power of choice and changing your belief system.
  • How negative awareness and thoughts are part of the healing and growth process.


Resources Mentioned:




Connect with Steve Torma:



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Let’s Talk About It!


Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It- the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review. Don’t forget to visit our website, join us on Facebook at HeartShare Counselingand Relationships! Let’s Talk About It, and follow us on Twitterand Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.


Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk


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