Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

Exploring and discussing a variety of relationship topics and issues for people in all kinds of relationships; including partnerships, family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, roommates and more.

Mar 16, 2021

Dealing with our own anger habits in a healthy and productive way can be challenging in itself, but what can often be even more difficult is learning how to deal with receiving someone else’s anger in a way that doesn’t turn into a conflict or inspire feelings of resentment. If we leave ourselves unchecked, it can be easy to ‘feed off’ of someone else’s anger. Keeping ourselves grounded when receiving someone’s anger is critical to defuse the situation, but how do you do that? Addiction counselor, trauma specialist, and co-founder of Still Point Wellness, Corey Costanzo, suggests it starts with self-regulation

In today’s episode, Corey and I discuss the varying degrees of anger - both giving and receiving it. We discuss how some anger is considered healthy and how we can determine when someone’s anger becomes unhealthy and abusive. We explore ways couples can help their partners defuse their anger. We discuss how my wife, Rainbow, helps me self-regulate my angry feelings by allowing me to vent. We highlight the strategies we use to keep ourselves grounded when we’re on the receiving end of someone’s anger, such as breathing deeply and validating the other person’s point of view. We discuss the importance of setting boundaries when receiving someone’s anger, some of the phrases that can often trigger a person’s anger, such as“calm down,” “just deal with it,” and “ you’re making too big of a deal out of this.” We also share alternative phrases you can use to help defuse an angry situation and Corey shares how his wife, Robin, helped him snap out of an ‘anger fog’ through empathy, understanding, and love.


“It’s the validation of an angry person’s anger that is most likely going to defuse the anger and lead towards greater connection and understanding.”  - Corey Costanzo


This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

  • Understanding the difference between ‘healthy anger’ and ‘unhealthy anger’ and why it’s critical to recognize the boundary line between them
  • How mirroring strategies and allowing your partner to express their anger without interruption can help them self-regulate their behaviors
  • How our childhood experiences with anger Impact the way we deal with other people’s anger in adulthood
  • Using deep breathing techniques to keep yourself grounded while receiving someone’s anger
  • Setting healthy boundaries when someone’s anger crosses the line
  • Identifying and addressing emotionally, psychologically, and verbally abusive behaviors
  • Working with your partner to set healthy boundaries, agreements, and commitments for dealing with each other’s anger
  • Phrases that can often fuel a person’s anger and what you can say instead to help defuse the situation
  • How validating your partner’s feelings and experiences can help them feel less threatened
  • How Robin snapped Corey out of an ‘anger fog’ by expressing her concern for his health and wellbeing
  • Using the practice of witnessing your partner’s anger when it’s directed at an object
  • Retraining your mind and body to respond to anger in a healthier way through visualization techniques
  • Preparing ourselves for conflicts in our relationships


Resources Mentioned:


Related Content:


Connect with Corey Costanzo:


Sponsored by Still Point Wellness

Still Point Wellness is Asheville’s premier spa experience. Enjoy effortless relaxation and rejuvenate your body through Still Point’s world-class services including Esalen Massage®, Salt Water Floatation also known as sensory deprivation, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Somatic Psychology. Experience the healing powers of deep relaxation like never before!

Schedule your first appointment by visiting or call (828) 348-5372.

Mention the code: Pripo to receive 10% off your first Salt Water Floatation or Esalen Massage®!


Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo’s Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk