Mar 16, 2021
Dealing with our own anger habits in a healthy and productive way can be challenging in itself, but what can often be even more difficult is learning how to deal with receiving someone else’s anger in a way that doesn’t turn into a conflict or inspire feelings of resentment. If we leave ourselves unchecked, it can be easy to ‘feed off’ of someone else’s anger. Keeping ourselves grounded when receiving someone’s anger is critical to defuse the situation, but how do you do that? Addiction counselor, trauma specialist, and co-founder of Still Point Wellness, Corey Costanzo, suggests it starts with self-regulation
In today’s episode, Corey and I discuss the varying degrees of anger - both giving and receiving it. We discuss how some anger is considered healthy and how we can determine when someone’s anger becomes unhealthy and abusive. We explore ways couples can help their partners defuse their anger. We discuss how my wife, Rainbow, helps me self-regulate my angry feelings by allowing me to vent. We highlight the strategies we use to keep ourselves grounded when we’re on the receiving end of someone’s anger, such as breathing deeply and validating the other person’s point of view. We discuss the importance of setting boundaries when receiving someone’s anger, some of the phrases that can often trigger a person’s anger, such as“calm down,” “just deal with it,” and “ you’re making too big of a deal out of this.” We also share alternative phrases you can use to help defuse an angry situation and Corey shares how his wife, Robin, helped him snap out of an ‘anger fog’ through empathy, understanding, and love.
“It’s the validation of an angry person’s anger that is most likely going to defuse the anger and lead towards greater connection and understanding.” - Corey Costanzo
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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk