Relationships Let's Talk About It!: 126. The Anger Habit

126. The Anger Habit

Jan 12, 2021

Whether we are its origin or its receiver, we all experience anger throughout our lives. While anger isn’t necessarily “bad,” it is a critical emotion to understand, for what we do with anger has the opportunity to bring our loved ones closer or push them away from us. And like other emotions, we become more accustomed to anger the more we express it without restraint, creating a toxic habit that can lead to contempt in our relationships. Anger becomes more difficult to manage when it becomes a habit, for habits are executed without much conscious effort. Although the anger habit can be hard-wired in a person’s brain, bodywork therapist and Still Point Wellness owner Corey Costanzo suggests that a person can break free from anger’s chains through awareness, conscious work, and education.

In this episode, Corey and I define anger as the need to be in control of external factors. We reveal how helplessness leads to frustration and, eventually, anger. We highlight different means of expressing anger in a healthy, non-destructive way. We discuss how anger impacts relationships and creates codependent dynamics in family systems. We also uncover the other emotions behind the mask of anger and underscore the power of appreciation as an antidote to the anger habit.

“Anger is an emotional pathway that gets hard-wired in the brain. With a bit of awareness, work, and information, you can shift out of the anger habit.” - Corey Costanzo

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

Anger as an emotional pathway and contraction in the body
The roots of anger
Why anger is a false sense of power and how it disempowers other people
The first door to frustration and how it translates to anger
A pet pig named Ginger and Corey’s recent experience with anger and frustration
The feeling of justification whenever we express our anger
How Corey shifted his expressions of anger and frustration
The difference between feeling your anger versus expressing it without a filter
How unmanaged anger creates a codependent dynamic in family systems and relationships
Feelings of helplessness, frustration, anger, and how they all lead to contempt in relationships
Why anger isn’t a bad emotion and how expressing a specific emotion creates more of it
The value of visualizing our moments of anger
Creating an environment where we can express difficult feelings in a healthier way
Sitting with anger and how it’s different from ruminating on it
The power of breath in dissipating anger
Using anger, frustration, and other challenging emotions as biomarkers to detect the need to shift something
How anger impacts children, their behavior, and the development of their nervous system
The different styles of anger and how to manage them through awareness

Resources Mentioned:

How Anger Affects Intimate Relationships by Randi Gunther
Headspace

Related Content:

Connect with Corey Costanzo:

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Let’s Talk About It!

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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk