Jul 21, 2020
So often, couples come into my office wanting to change their partner. They highlight how their partner is doing ‘this’ and not enough of ‘that,’ as if they’re returning a defective item and want a refund. Yet, so rarely does change in our partners happen when they’re forced or nagged to do it - at the very least, they’ll only feel forced, controlled, and disrespected. And in trying to change our partners, we forget one fundamental thing: that change must start from within.
In this episode, I discuss the essential things you need to practice to inspire change in your relationship. I explain why you need to think about what you would consider red flags before you commit to a relationship and why you need to avoid focusing on your partner’s negative characteristics. I share some of my experiences with my wife where we were inspired to change as individuals and reveal the role of respect in bringing about change in relationships. I also explore how appreciation can foster growth and encourage couples to reach their fullest potential.
“That’s where change can happen. A safe, vulnerable environment where couples can cultivate themselves in their relationship.” - Pripo Teplitsky
This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:
- Relationship red flags and non-negotiables
- Influencing the change you want to see in your partner
- The wisdom of older people on committing to relationships and marriage
- Avoiding looking at our partners as DIY improvement projects
- The differences between complaining and criticism and how they spill over into other areas of the relationship
- Fostering positive growth in our partner through first accepting them for who they are
- How criticism and blame takes a partner further from growth and change
- The importance of introspecting over criticizing and blaming a partner
- Why it’s necessary to know yourself and your needs before committing to a relationship
- How focusing on fundamental differences and challenges discourages a relationship’s connection
- The need to verbalize what a person wants in a relationship and focus on transformation and change
- Why change needs to come from ourselves first before they occur in our partners
Related Content:
Resources Mentioned:
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
Let’s Talk About It!
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.
If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, email HeartShares@yahoo.com or visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!
Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.
And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!
Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk