Dec 22, 2020
Whether we’re in the dating stage or have been married for many years, there are many ways that we conduct self-defeating behaviors that can undermine our relationships. Some of these behaviors are so deeply rooted in our history that it can become challenging to uncover. Yet, it is human to have self-sabotaging tendencies, stresses Cathy Courtenay, a Conscious Relating Coach who guides people through connecting with themselves. With all our complexities and nuances, it may look impossible to form intimate relationships; but, through self-awareness and healing work, Cathy stresses it is possible to overcome our inclinations to sabotage and create healthy, fulfilling relationships.
In this episode, Cathy and I discuss the many ways we sabotage ourselves in our relationships, uncover their underlying causes, and share advice on how they can be managed. We dissect our personal challenges with self-sabotage in our relationships and discuss the steps we take to manage them. We also highlight the role of self-esteem and self-awareness in cultivating intimacy in relationships and healing self-sabotaging patterns.
“If you are self-sabotaging in your relationship to a point where it creates harm and damage, there may be a trigger from your past that needs to be looked at.” - Cathy Courtenay
This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:
- How insecurities and the need for constant reassurance lead to self-sabotage
- Owning our vulnerabilities as the first step to mending insecurities
- The role of self-awareness in managing self-sabotaging emotions and behavior
- The dangers of knee-jerk responses from the lower brain and suppressing emotional experiences
- My subtle tendencies to sabotage in my marriage and Cathy’s inclination to hyperfocus on what’s wrong
- How Cathy uses appreciation practices to magnify the things for which she is grateful
- Why we need to shift how we view masculinity and femininity
- Anchoring on corrective experiences to heal the wounds of the past
- Codependency and sabotaging a relationship through doing your partner’s work
- The importance of taking responsibility for your part of a problem
- The pursuer versus the distancer and how their difference can sabotage a relationship
- Strategies and skills to handle anxious-avoidant relationship patterns
- The relationship grid and the connection between intimacy and self-esteem
- Engaging in unhealthy and excessive behaviors as a mode of self-sabotage
- How holding grudges can lead to poor communication and passive-aggressive behavior
- The fear of entrapment and managing differences in relationships
- Recognizing and managing the desire to control
Related Content:
- Understand and Manage Differences in Your Relationships
- What Makes A Relationship Worth Doing the Hard Work
- Couples’ Communication: Circling Techniques
- Helping Men Learn to Connect with Women
- Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby
- Difficult Conversations
- Falling in Love
Connect with Cathy Courtenay:
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Let’s Talk About It!
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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk